Seven Steps to Creating Your Postpartum Wardrobe...

I wish I had an 8 weeks postpartum photo to share showing my bikini ready body, but sadly I do not. In fact, 18 months after my second baby, I still walk into my closet and a row of pants whisper “We don’t fit you.” Guess what? That’s totally normal and ok. The truth is mamas, your body changes after a baby. My friend who IS back to her pre-baby weight swears her rib cage expanded after two kids.
 
If you got back to your pre-preggo size fairly quickly, rock on with your bad self. However, if you’re struggling with an extra 15 or 20 lbs like many of us, I’ve got some advice for you. Buy some new clothes! That’s right. Go shopping. Last summer, I came out to the pool in a one piece Speedo because my other bathing suits did not fit. My sister looked at me horrified and said, “WHAT are you wearing?” I said “ Well nothing fits. “ She said “Well then go get some new suits! I'm not looking at an ugly speedo all summer.”

And I did just that. I bought two new tankinis that I loved and felt good in.

Here’s a list of tips for my postpartum Mamas struggling to get dressed in be morning:

1. Find a friend who is similar to your size and ask if she has any pants you can borrow. My best friend Katie and I shared our maternity clothes, but also an “after baby” bin of dress pants.

2. But some staples for work. Two pairs of black pants and one pair of gray should do it.

3. Get a new pair of jeans! Maternity jeans look terrible once you’re no longer pregnant. Old navy has jeans for $25-$30 and have a variety of styles to suit various body types.

4. Get some wrap dresses. Super comfy and will still fit up or down a few pounds.

5. Buy some V-necks, plain shirts that you can dress up or down.

6. Wear whatever you makes you feel like you again- Makeup, heels, fun earrings, etc.

7. Know you’re awesome!  You made a person. That little person loves you , even if your skinny pants don’t.

Love,
Kendall

It goes too fast...

“It goes too fast.” This is a phrase a mother of two young children hears often. It’s a constant reminder the years of having babies and toddlers flies by in the blink of an eye. When I hear it , I usually respond with “ yea yea , I know. “

Recently though, it’s as if the universe is constantly reminding me of that phrase. I saw a coworker in 3 different stores 3 times in a week. Once at Target, and twice at the food store. All of the times, she was shopping alone and I had my 3 year old and 1 year old in tow. Her kids are in college and I envied her pushing her shopping cart all alone, while I tried to get through my list while simultaneously throwing goldfish at my children.  She said to me “I remember those days." She said it as if she missed them. Really? I am thinking to myself. You are in Target-  ALONE!
Then we went to Disney and constantly people are commenting “Enjoy this, it goes too fast.”  Somehow, I don’t think you can appreciate this phrase until your kids are grown. Because you’re tired mama. It’s hard to enjoy every second. Sometimes kids are hard and demanding and it doesn’t feel like it’s going fast. It feels exhausting.

Last week, I held a friends 3 month old baby and I thought “Aww, I remember when my babies were this small. It goes too fast.” Dammit ! I thought the phrase!!!
So in an effort to "Enjoy this," I’ve started to stop and pause. When my toddler is splashing all over the bathroom in the tub, I laugh and splash with him. I hold onto the snuggle time a little longer. I listen to my 3 year old sing the god awful “daddy finger “ song because she thinks it’s great.

Because we all need to “Enjoy this. It goes too fast.”

Love,

Kendall
 

"Good try, Mommy!"

A few weeks ago, I went to the beach with my family. My Uncle was showing all of us how to paddle board. He took my daughter and nephew (who are both 3) while they sat, and then a few of the adults gave it a try. I wasn't even planning on taking a turn, but then my daughter , Mackenzie said, "Ok Mommy, it's your turn." So I gave it a try.

I actually got up fairly easily and was able to paddle (we were in the bay so don't be overly impressed by my skills).  Then I took a turn too sharply and fell off the board. All of a sudden, I hear a little voice from the dock yelling, "Good try Mommy! It's ok! Try again!" It's Mackenzie, cheering me on. I smiled, got back up, and paddled back. 

The rest of the day I thought about how Mackenzie had cheered for me and encouraged me to try again. Where did she learn that? Well, from me, her Dad, her Aunt, her Noni, her Grandma, etc.  It made me think what kind of example I would be setting if I told her I was afraid to try, I didn't want to wear a bathing suit, I was worried I'd fall and feel embarrassed.  
Kids do what you do. You can't expect them to be confident if you're not. You can't expect them to eat healthy if you don't. You can't expect them to try new things if you won't.

Always remember, your kids are watching you! Be a good example. Teach them to take risks, fall and get up again, eat healthy but never turn down a cupcake. Be a kind person. Do all the things you want them to do. Be the person you hope they will be. 

Love,

Kendall

The Biggest Mom Shamer of Them All...

A few weeks ago my daughter had five cavities. Yes that’s right, five. Five cavities which needed to be filled either using laughing gas or sedation. While most of my mom friends were supportive, there was one voice who was not. She told me it was my fault. She said I gave my daughter too much juice. She told me I let her fall asleep without brushing her  teeth. I let her eat too many goldfish. I gave her lollipops at the bank.  Who is this judgemental person you ask? It’s me, myself, and I. 

You see mamas, we judge ourselves much harder than we do other moms. I was so upset at the dentist and repeatedly blamed myself for my daughter’s cavities. I called a few friends and a few of them told me they had similar experiences with their kids. Did I judge them the way I judged myself?  No; of course not.  I was relieved to hear someone else had been there.   Even the dentist said “Kids get cavities, it happens.” 

Whenever  I see another child throwing a tantrum at Target, I think two things. “Ugh, I feel so bad for this mom” and “Glad it’s not just my kid who behaves this way. “ 

Does mom shaming happen?  You bet. People make dumb comments about breastfeeding or not, co-sleeping, cry it out, whatever. But no one is truly judging your parenting skills the way you are mama. 90% of the time, they have been where you are and they sympathize.  

I am extremely fortunate to have a great husband, family and friends who remind me I am doing a good job as a mom, even when I feel like I’m not. 

Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself you’re doing a great job. Reach out to your fellow mamas when you need support. You got this. 

Lady and the Tramp

Lady and the Tramp

Last summer I was very pregnant, as my son was born at the END of August. This summer I realize how uncomfortable I was last year being so big and pregnant.  It reminded me how hard being pregnant was and I thought of a conversation I had with one of my best friends a few months ago. My friend Katie (who has two kids) called me after watching “Lady and the Tramp” with her daughter.  A classic movie. She was infuriated because in the movie the husband tells his wife “he doesn't want her walking the dog in her condition.” Her “condition” is she is about 12 weeks pregnant, give or take. Now here is where I add, my friend Katie is a Veterinarian and was performing surgery on 100 pound dogs at 9 months pregnant.  So of course we had a good laugh about this movie made in 1955.

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t walk your dog pregnant.  However, it did make me think about how far the pendulum has swung in the other direction. If Disney had a pregnant character in 2017, she would probably be exericising  throughout her pregnancy, working until she was 39 weeks and expected to get back into shape 3 months after giving birth.  In my opinion, we have forgotten as a society what a big deal having a baby actually is.  Being pregnant is really hard. You feel sick, exhausted, everything aches, you might be swollen, etc. Let’s not forget the mamas who carried twins, you deserve a heroic medal!

When you actually have the baby, you are beyond exhausted, in physical pain and adjusting to this new life. My mom always said, “Someone has to mother the mother.” This could not be more true. New moms need help. They need food. They need support. They need to know how fabulous they are just by being a mom!

So to all my fellow mamas out there:  When you feel like you cannot do it all, keep the house clean, exercise, make pinterest like chalkboards for your kids first day of school, know this… 60 years ago someone would have walked your dog as you laid on the couch in your first trimester.

You’re amazing. You’re fabulous. You’re a MOM!

Coffee on the couch

When I was younger, if I woke up before 6 am, I would find my mom sitting alone on the couch drinking her coffee. I often wondered why she woke up so early to stare at her coffee cup instead of putting it in a to go cup and drinking it on her way to work. 

Now, as a mom, I get it. I also look forward to the early mornings before my kids wake up drinking my coffee alone on the couch. I ignore the little song the dishwasher sings telling me it's time to empty it. I pretend there are not clothes in the dryer waiting to be folded. I don't rush to clean up the toys off the floor. I just sit and stare at my cup enjoying the quiet. Some days I get 30 minutes, most days about 8, before I hear the sound of the baby crying or a little voice saying “Mommy, I want juice please.” Some people might use this time to sleep in a little longer, accomplish a task or exercise, but I find the coffee on the couch time to be more beneficial. It helps me to  prepare for the day.  

As a mom there is rarely quiet time during the day or even a few minutes to yourself. It's so important to take just 15 or 20 minutes to do whatever you need to re -energIze yourself. It might be coffee on the couch, going for a walk, doing some yoga breathing, or enjoying a nice glass of wine. Whatever it may be, make sure you take the time mamas, you definitely deserve it!

Just like my mom, even if my coffee on the couch time gets interrupted by a crying baby or a sweet little voice, I still feel more ready for the day to begin. It may be the time alone or the jolt of caffeine, but either way it makes my day. 

There is no good time to visit a new mom.

There is no good time to visit a new mom. I'll say it again. There is no good time to visit a new mom…unless you come bearing chicken parm.

After my second baby, I came to realize why people should not visit new moms. The sole reason being there is no good time of day to visit. Let me explain. At any time of the day, the baby could be sleeping and therefore I could be sleeping. At 10 am, I could be sleeping with the baby, at 2 pm or 6 pm. Get what I'm saying?   We had visitors (or sleep stealers as I like to think of them) come visit after my second baby was born. Also let me add, I’m not Martha Stewart on a good day. Never mind when I just made a person. My sister says that, "You did a good job, you made a person.”  Pretty amazing when you put it that way right?  So I found it stressful to have to pick up my house before these visitors came over to make it look like I had it all together when I really wanted to just crawl into a ball and go to sleep.

People mean well but they ask questions like, “How was your birth?  “How’s your older child adjusting?”  Umm… I'm still recovering and actually it's time to go soak my stitches so I'll brb. As for my older child, she doesn't even know what having a sibling means so stop asking her dumb questions. Not to mention my biggest pet peeve of all…when you're breast feeding and people ask, “That baby is eating again?”  Seriously, it made my blood pressure rise or I was just overtired and cranky (another reason to steer clear ).

If someone has an older child, the most helpful thing you can do is take them out of the house. My mom and sister did this frequently which was a huge help.  Bring them to your house, the park, the movies anywhere will do and this gives you time with the baby and possibly some SLEEP!  

A month before my second baby, my friend's mom asked what she could get the baby. I replied “Nothing, can you just make me some chicken parm?” And she did! It was seriously delicious! I’m very grateful to all those who brought me food. New moms are hungry and don't have time to cook. My dad said it best. He said "Kendall, when the baby is 3 months and you feel pretty good, nobody is going to come see the new baby."  I have to agree. The truth is after 12 weeks you feel better, you possibly have slept for 5 hours in a row, you physically don't hurt, and you're ready to pour the coffee and cut the crumb cake for your visitors . So in short, if you decide to go visit a new mom before she is 12 weeks post partum, I suggest you bring her chicken parm.